Fear Is The Bully

by ADAM SCHERR on APRIL 18, 2011

“Mom approves 7-year old for plastic surgery to pin back ears to avoid schoolyard bullying.” This was a headline last Thursday in the NY Daily News. Given my emotional bull in the china shop nature, my emotions ran the gamete. Disbelief, anger, saddness and then a bumpy landing into real concern for OUR children. Now when I say our, I don’t mean mine and my wife’s, I mean US of OuRs.

Now I’m not here to say whether plastic surgery as a preventive measure is right or wrong. Although I am here to say it is merely putting a bandaid on a fatal gunshot wound on the soul of our youth.

The mother said she was upset about her daughters ears. The article didn’t mention how the girl felt. I do know that as a parent I have to constantly pray about not passing any fear to my boys. Fear is the most serious contagion going around. It is the root of “all evils.” The article says further: “kids are mean.” And I say if we are to take this bullying epidemic by the horns, we must start with ourselves. We must stop righting off our children as mean and bad. They aren’t born that way. They learn it. If I want my kids to stop yelling than I need to make sure that I’m not yelling. If my wife and I see our kids talking back to us, we just need to look and see if we are talking back to each other. It does the trick every time. Kids are born perfect. And they have a lifetime warranty. And it is our job to hold onto the warranty and nurture their perfection. Speak to their perfection not to their perceived defaults. That is our job as parents and adults.

The mother said that although she hadn’t been bullied yet, she feared that her daughter’s ears would eventually make her-self conscious and shy. The mother feared all the way to NY, all the way to a plastic surgeon. Having been in fear myself at times, I can only imagine how devastating it must be to be bullied by fear to the point that you take your child half way across the country for them to get plastic surgery, to prevent them from getting bullied in the future. The collective we must take this BULL-ying by it’s horns now. It is time to bully fear and doubt before it bullies anymore of our children.

“Nothing in life is to be feared. It is to be understood.” Marie Curie.
“Keep your fears to yourself but share your courage with others.” Robert Louis Stevenson
“You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.” Mary Manin Morrissey

An Afternoon that Made Laughter Count for Friends In Deed

Once upon a time a group of smart, talented, funny, kinda' crazy and good souled people got together to form Make Laughter Count. While our primary goal is to integrate musical and comedic talent into programs to stop bullying, our secondary goal is to coordinate fundraising events for organizations whose population has experienced bullying, and where laughter is part of the program.

Recently, we had our first run at coordinating an event for Friends in Deed. They are brilliant and their work has had such a profound impact on the lives of many. Not unlike how the correct formula for concrete is worthwhile to cement in your mind, it is worthwhile to note Friends in Deed’s vision, mission and values:

VISION: Friends In Deed’s vision is a world where no one with a life-threatening illness is frightened and alone... where those overwhelmed by illness, caregiving and grief find support... and where death is not viewed as a failure but as a natural part of the cycle of life.

MISSION: To provide pragmatic emotional and spiritual support for all those affected by life threatening illness, caregiving and grief.

VALUES: Walking the Talk, Authenticity, Integrity, and Accountability.

When I first read their vision, mission and values, and visited their NYC office off hours, I felt a sense of peace. It’s almost like a Zen, spiritual spa. Upon meeting Robert McNamara and Michael Cohen of Friends in Dead I had this sense that they really do live their organization’s vision, mission and values. They too have a Zen Master quality about them. As I got to know them I felt like the Universe is fully aligned with them and the work that they do.

Little did I know that laughter is a big part of the Friends in Deed culture – so it isn’t just about grieving, 'peacing' out, Zen, somber stuff! I asked Robert if laughter is part of the culture of Friends in Deed. When the question was posed, his whole body language changed into this kind of bouncy bundle of joy wrapped in the body of a managing director. He shared that often group sessions at 594 Broadway sound more like a comedy club and people outside their office have trouble reconciling the laughter with the subject matter. Make Laughter Count and Friends in Deed share, among other things, the belief in the healing power of laughter.

We decided to coordinate an Afternoon of Outrageous Laughter at the Gotham Comedy Club to raise funds for them. On Palm Sunday. Oops.

This was the first time our group of smart, talented, funny, kinda’ crazy and good souled people got together to do an event. We came across a few hurdles, and like someone with contact lens problems, we eventually found a solution. At the end of the day, we had a great crowd, made some great new friends and look forward to planning a bigger and better event for benefit of Friends in Deed again.

And…while by no means am I a “comic”, I can deliver a joke and tell a bad pun. The day before the event, we noodled through what we could do to entertain the crowd before the show, and if possible squeeze and extra dollar or two out of our guests. The solution? Yours truly hung a sign around my neck that said: “Knock Knock Jokes and Bad Puns: $1 each”. I worked the room for 20 minutes and made $60 to add to the benefit. Not too bad.

So, since most who read this were likely not there:
Knock Knock.

Who is there?

Hannah.

Hannah who?

Hannah-over some money to Friends in Deed and Make Laughter Count!

-Robert Strand